To win at any cost?
Unusual tactics England could employ against Australia
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Regular changing of gloves
We really don’t know what the Aussies were complaining about in Cardiff! It gets hot and sweaty out there in the heat of battle and may well do so again when we’re nine wickets down needing 450 to win with ten overs left
Open with Jimmy and Monty
There seemed to be absolutely no way Australia could get out the world-class batting pair of Jimmy Anderson and Monty Panesar. So why not open the batting with them?
Get Simon Jones back on the pitch
Even if it means Jonesey skidding up to the wicket in a wheelchair, we need the man back. It also might provide some nice little marks for Monty and Swanny to take advantage of . . .
Starve them out
Give Mike Gatting and Robert Key access to the Australian lunch and tea buffet trays ten minutes before the end of each session. The Australians’ stamina and powers of concentration will soon fade.
Get Derren Brown to talk to Tresco
Marcus Trescothick made a significant contribution to England’s Ashes-winning 2005 effort before losing the plot. Perhaps someone could call upon the mind-altering services of Derren Brown to tell Tresco he’s the English Don Bradman and get him out there!
Tactical fielding substitutions
Remember Gary Pratt? With the Aussie skipper already riled by England’s apparent ‘time-wasting’ tactics, why not encourage more liberal use of fielding substitutions. Imagine seeing the look on Ponting’s face if the Durham man ran him out again!
Bring back the skunk
Ever since KP lost his trademark ‘skunk’ haircut of 2005, his powers have seemed to wane. Bring back the skunk KP!
Recruit more Aussies to play for England!
Okay, so the likes of Martin McCague, Alan Mulally, Adam Hollioake and Geraint Jones were by no means world class so perhaps Andrew Symonds or Stuart Law might like to re-consider playing for us again?
Get the England ladies to play instead!
The current world champions also recently retained the Ashes. On current form, they may well do a better job against the Australian men.
Pray for rain
It worked for us at the Oval in 2005. So if any of the previous tactics somehow enable us to eke out a lead, then let the rain-dances begin!
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